It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!

Saturday we went with friends to visit a pumpkin patch and take pictures of the bebes.




Unfortunately, Will was the only one of the babies really in the mood for it. What can I say, he's a really easy going guy. He was all like, "sit here? sure, no problem. Hold a pumpkin? okay. What do you mean I can't eat the grass? Lay down? Okay. Smile? What do you mean? I'm already smiling! Sit in a wagon? I'd love to!"





He's very photogenic, and good thing because mama and daddy love taking pictures. I need to put these on flickr, I haven't uploaded photos there in quite a while, eek!

(Photos 2 and 3 from the husband)

We also bought a smallish pumpkin for me to make a pumpkin dip in for a picnic we're throwing this coming Saturday. I think I may be going a little over-the-top making things. We're getting fried chicken and I'm making Pioneer Woman mac&cheese, Tyler Florence's "Ultimate" baked beans, vegetable soup, pumpkin dip, and chocolate chip pumpkin brownies. The vegetable soup recipe is my own, I might post it later on.

You should come. No really, if you know where we live.

My 3 loves

Happy birthday to me!



Husband got me the most be-a-utiful KitchenAid stand mixer for my birthday. No, today is not my birthday.

Funny thing about not having your birthday on Facebook, you find out who really knows that it's your birthday and then who cares enough to say. My cousin, Melissa was the only one to wish me happy birthday on FB. Not that I want random people I haven't seen in years telling me happy birthday, really I don't. If I did I'd have my birthday posted on FB.

Anywho, did I mention that husband gave me this mixer the day after I spent nearly 2 hours trying to prepare myself a birthday cake using a hand mixer? It was one of those cakes that required 10 minutes or so of mixing here and there. My arm was sore!

The cake ended up in the garbage, but that's unrelated to coulda-used-an-early-gift mixer acquiring days. I ended up making a French silk pie instead.

You see I have this idea of starting a tradition of making myself a cake every year for my birthday. It has to be the same cake every year. The thing is I don't really like cake all to much, it must be super moist and not you're everyday cake. I hate boxed cake mixes (though they are good for making a dump cake or any of those other recipes that call for a cake mix and yet do not produce a cake). I hate decided on a 6 layer dobos torte, it was between that or this pistachio petit four cake. The torte seemed a bit easier. Until our oven decided it hate me and my birthday. 13 eggs wasted! 13! Oh well, there's always next year.

Do you have any birthday traditions? What's the best gift you've ever received?

Community

This post is not about the TV show of the same name, though I do enjoy it.
I'll be honest, I don't feel like blogging right now but it's been a week so I know I need to. For me, blogging is one of those things where if I wait any longer, I'm just going to wait even longer.

This post is going to seem silly to some people and to them I say feel free to leave and never read this blog again. Like you need my permission.

My heart has been heavy lately; I can't count the number of days in the past several months that I have cried over bowls of ice cream (okay, sometimes it's just straight out of the carton) because of how alone I feel. It's not because I stay home with Will 4 to 5 days a week. I've stayed home (or in a dorm room) alone for 7 days a week and not felt this overwhelming sadness. Does it have something to do with all of these postpartum hormones? I don't know.
How long are you postpartum anyway? I mean I know the hormone thing is still going on but are they postpartum hormones still? Nursing hormones? I don't know, but I really doubt that's it, at least not all of it.

Most of the time I feel like I have no friends other than husband, husband is my best friend, but I feel like I need more than that. Husband says that I do have friends, I just don't have that "best friend" like others everyone else has. I look at the people I would call friends and we are so different, not that it's bad to be different than your friends, I don't think I would want friends who were exactly like me. By different I mean I see some things that they do and think "I would never do that." It's not even that I think what they are doing is morally wrong, no, that's not what I mean at. all. It just doesn't fit with my values or my way of thinking. Does this mean I can't be friends with these people? Absolutely not, but I would like to have at least one friend who thinks along similar lines as I. But I don't think I even need to be that specific in my search for friends.

I feel what I'm really craving is a sense of community. A community of like-minded people. I don't even know what I have in common with most of the "friends" I have. When I think about it, what do they know about me? Have they even asked? I read a book about the Amish and Mennonites recently, 20 Most Asked Questions About the Amish & Mennonites, and a line from it really summed up some of my feelings. The question was about women not working out of the home or something like that and this was part of the answer: "When a woman's ambitions fit her society's framework and her peers' experiences parallel her own, she is less likely to be restless and dissatisfied." This is what I want. Maybe I need to convert. There is a Mennonite church in town...

Really though, how do I get this? I've literally spent hours searching for mom and baby groups/activities in Tallahassee, with very, very little luck. Most of the things I found are now defunct. One group has playgroups for babies, but they are at members' homes; I'm not comfortable going to someone's home when I've never met anyone who will be there. Panama City actually has more mommy groups than Tallahassee.
Shawn and I were in a couple of small groups from our church over the last year or so, which we really enjoyed, but it seemed like everyone else lost interest. We tried to organize an event ourselves and only one other couple was going to come. Either everyone else already has plenty of friends and plenty of things to do or they are content with not having either. Or they just really don't like me, which is the conclusion I typically default to when I'm feeling this way.

Weekend: a story of poop, napping, and crying.

(Will has developed a penchant for holding and chewing burp cloths.)

Let's start with Friday, shall we? Friday Oliver dog was supposed to go to the vet and since I dare not attempt an outing alone with crazy dog and unpredictable baby, sister-in-law Becky took the morning off to go with us.

For some reason I felt the need to check to make sure husband had left us the car. He had not. I even reminded him the night before, even though this is one of few things that doesn't usually require reminding, something told me to remind him.

Husband decided to postpone Oliver dog's appointment and Becky and I decided to watch Gilmore Girls. Will decided to not take a good nap.

Here's something fun. So I'm finishing feeding Will and sit him on my lap to burp him and he feels this is a great time to poop. His diaper, however didn't have the same idea. I started to feel something warm on my lap. Lap is the polite way to say I got poop on my thinly yoga-panted crotch.

Thankfully Becky was there and I was able to yell for her to bring me some paper towels and remove poopy baby from me.

Decided to wash dirty dog stuff. Later decided to do that at a laundry mat from now on in order to leave the cleaning of ridiculous amounts of dog hair out of the washer and dryer to someone else.

Washed fur rug, now have a fairly clean dreadlocked rug.

Cute baby break

Saturday.
Saturday Will took a short nap before headed to Wakulla with friends to stake out the area for a wedding husband is helping Ashlyn shoot (as in camera, not gun).

I'm becoming a pro at nursing in the car by the way.

Husband climbed a tree.

I thought about what family vacations were like before amusement parks and before the interstate. Wished I lived back then. Tweeted about wishing I lived back then. Husband agreed to take quaint vacations to places like the springs.

We ate overpriced, terrible-for-you food while Will stared at Russ playing guitar and refused nap #2. Marveled at how Roslyn just falls asleep without assistance.

Nursed in the car again, baby fell asleep. Husband and I decided a diaper change was in order, baby woke up. Mistake? Baby fell asleep on the way home, made up for missed naps. We fell asleep too and were late for dinner.

Rapture did not happen.

Sunday.
More nursing in the car, this time with a very difficult dress. For which a safety pin had to be procured before church to avoid flashing more than the usual number of people. Ate at Mellow Mushroom. Husband decided it was the best pizza place we had been to, I said we hadn't been to many.

Went to Kohl's to try and solve the Sunday wardrobe issue. Was overwhelmed by the amount of stuff. Bought one dress for $18.

I decided I am the only one not amused by Will's ability to distinguish that I am not the one holding him, start crying, and then stop once he's given back to me. He also does this when laying in his crib, it's not amusing then either. Faker.

End with my view whilst writing this post on my phone.

Yeses and Nos aka FAQ

This post is going to seem a bit bitter, but isn't that why people make FAQs anyway, because they are tired of being asked the same questions over and over?



First things first.No, I have not had the baby yet. Most of the people who ask should know that they would know if I had.

No, I do not have any intuition about when he is coming. Nor have I had any major signs of labor starting soon.

Yes, I am doing fine. Seriously, I am. "You have to be miserable," only of people saying that, thanks.

No, I am not going to be induced. There is no reason for labor to be induced now. We want to do what's best for Will, so until the doctor tells us there is a medical reason to be induced, we're okay with waiting. Anxious, but okay. (Being 2 weeks overdue is among medical reasons, he is only 5 days past his due date now).

No, I am not going to have a c-section. Like the last answer, I would only have a c-section if it was medically necessary. I have done the research (you should see how many pregnancy and childbirth books I have read and now many newsletters I subscribe to), and have decided that this is the best decision for Will and myself.

Yes, we will tell you when he is born. Now, we probably won't tell you when we go to the hospital (we don't need a bunch of people calling and texting to see how things are going), but we have a list of people to call and facebook/twitter friends will know after he is born.

Yes, we are using cloth diapers. Some people find this really hard to believe and wonder why in the world would we do this. Cloth diapers are a lot different than they use to be. These are the ones we're using. They are all one piece, no liner/cover, and have snaps that adjust so that they can be used through potty training. We also have a diaper sprayer so the "stuff" can be sprayed off right into the toilet.

No, I am not having an epidural. This is another one that people have very strong opinions on. Again, I've done the research, I've talked to women who have gone with and without, and I feel that this is the best decision for us. Yes, I know it will hurt. I'm open to other pain relief options if I decide I want them at the time. I'm hoping to be one of those women who has labor/delivery pain amnesia and doesn't remember the pain at all once they're holding their baby. I do wish I could find a good comparison of childbirth pain to the pain of pancreatitis though, so far that is the worst pain I have ever felt, with pain associated with migraines coming in second.

Thank you for reading, you may now go about your business.

Having a baby changes everything, except...

If you listen to/read the same kinds of things I have been about becoming a new parent, or even if you've just listened in passing, you hear people constantly saying how when they became parents they lost all of their friends who were not parents. People without kids don't want to be around them all the time and don't want to hear you talking about your kids all the time.



Well, this change is not going to happen for us. (You're thinking, "oh you're just being ignorant, why do you think you're special, I haven't had a grown up conversation in 3 years.") Why? Because our friends are having kids too!

Last time I checked, of the people I'm friends with on facebook (and yes, I do know these people), 9 were expecting (by the way, this was really frustrating when I knew I was pregnant but we were waiting to tell anyone while every 5 minutes someone who was not as far along as me was announcing their pregnancy. I'm glad we waited though). Of the members of a small group we were part of last year, I think there are only 2 couples who are not expecting now (something in the water?), not to mention the the small group leaders welcomed their second child soon after the group ended.

So if we look at how many friends are already parents, and how many are expecting, by the end of 2011, most of are friends will be parents. Then, if the announcements keep popping up like they have been, I can replace the "most" in the previous sentence with "all."

We've also talked about doing a small group where most of the members will be parents or new parents, and that way no one is annoyed when the discussion is interrupted by crying for the 5th time.

It's the Thought that Counts

Maybe I should have waited until after Christmas to post this, but then I don't want anyone thinking I'm talking about their gift to me, so here goes. I don't know how many times I've gone over this post in my head, trying to find a way to write it that didn't sound so harsh. I couldn't, so bear with me. (and also excuse me for being a Christian blogger making a Christmas post that is about gifts and not about the birth of our Savior.)


"Presents" by alliecreative on Flickr.


The phrase "It's the thought that counts" is heard a lot this time of year and if you've ever received a gift you didn't care for I'm sure you've heard it or even said it to yourself as you tried to appear grateful. I would like to pick this saying apart a bit and really just analyze one word: "thought."

What "thought" is it that we're talking about when we say "it's the thought that counts"? When an aunt that you've spent time with at least once a week for most of your life buys you the same gift she would buy for a coworker that she barely knows (hello soap and lotion set! or Hickory Farms sampler for the guys), what thought is it that we're trying to give her credit for?

In many cases the only thought I can find that the giver had when purchasing the gift was, "I have to buy this person a gift."

For "the thought to count," the giver must put some thought into the gift. For example, if your grandma buys you a pink bunny costume because she knows you like bunnies, that thought counts, because she took into consideration what you like. Even if she didn't consider that you're not 5 anymore and would never let yourself be seen in bunny costume, much less a pink one, she was still making an effort to get you something you would like. Even if their thinking was off, at least they made an effort and I think that's the true intention of the phrase, "it's the thought that counts," not what we've made it today. Today, we might as well just say, "well, at least they bought you something." Really?

Now I understand that this may make me sound incredibly unappreciative, but that is not the case. I would actually rather receive nothing than just "something." I would rather the person not have wasted their money on something that they purchased without even going through the thought process of "will she like/use this?" Other than wasting their money it puts them in the awkward position of giving a bad gift and receiver in the awkward position of trying to appear thankful while hoping there is a gift receipt.

Now there are times when you feel you have to buy someone a gift and you don't have any idea what to get them, I understand. First, ask yourself, "do I really have to buy this person a gift?" If you really think you do, a gift card is always a more thoughtful purchase for a friend or relative than some generic work Christmas party type gift. If you feel like you just have to get them "something" and not just a piece of plastic, give them a gift card along with a small gift like an ornament, a candle, cookies (somewhat generic, but less likely to be something that will just collect dust or be re-gifted).

I would actually rather someone make a donation to a charity than to waste their money buying me a gift just so that they've bought me "something." That's a thought that counts.

The Politeness of Prayer

I've noticed a trend in the way we present our prayer requests to the general public. This is different than making a prayer request to friends you know are Christians—we assume that they are always taking requests. For some reason though, when a lot of people make prayer requests publicly (namely through social media like Twitter and Facebook) they're afraid of offending someone.


Photo from Flickr member c0t0s0d0

The prayer requests I'm talking about start off by saying, "If you pray..." I noticed this preface to prayer requests happening more and more often and it really started to get under my skin. Or maybe it was getting under my spirit.

So what if you ask people to pray for your need and someone who doesn't pray reads it? Are you afraid they're going to be offended and lash out at you? This must be the Christian way to act when non-believers might hear you because no one every lashed out at Jesus. Oh, wait...

John 10:19-21This kind of talk caused another split in the Jewish ranks. A lot of them were saying, "He's crazy, a maniac—out of his head completely. Why bother listening to him?" But others weren't so sure: "These aren't the words of a crazy man. Can a 'maniac' open blind eyes?"

22-24They were celebrating Hanukkah just then in Jerusalem. It was winter. Jesus was strolling in the Temple across Solomon's Porch. The Jews, circling him, said, "How long are you going to keep us guessing? If you're the Messiah, tell us straight out."

25-30Jesus answered, "I told you, but you don't believe. Everything I have done has been authorized by my Father, actions that speak louder than words. You don't believe because you're not my sheep. My sheep recognize my voice. I know them, and they follow me. I give them real and eternal life. They are protected from the Destroyer for good. No one can steal them from out of my hand. The Father who put them under my care is so much greater than the Destroyer and Thief. No one could ever get them away from him. I and the Father are one heart and mind."

31-32Again the Jews picked up rocks to throw at him. Jesus said, "I have made a present to you from the Father of a great many good actions. For which of these acts do you stone me?"

33The Jews said, "We're not stoning you for anything good you did, but for what you said—this blasphemy of calling yourself God."

What is the likelihood of someone being greatly offended anyway? If they don't pray, they're just not going to pray. There's a chance though that someone who used to pray might read your request and start praying again, or even someone who has never prayed might feel sympathy for your need and decide to give it a try. But no, we wouldn't want to take the chance that we might offend someone, Jesus never offended anyone. Oh, wait...

Mathew 15:1-2 After that, Pharisees and religion scholars came to Jesus all the way from Jerusalem, criticizing, "Why do your disciples play fast and loose with the rules?"

3-9But Jesus put it right back on them. "Why do you use your rules to play fast and loose with God's commands? God clearly says, 'Respect your father and mother,' and, 'Anyone denouncing father or mother should be killed.' But you weasel around that by saying, 'Whoever wants to, can say to father and mother, What I owed to you I've given to God.' That can hardly be called respecting a parent. You cancel God's command by your rules. Frauds! Isaiah's prophecy of you hit the bull's-eye:

These people make a big show of saying the right thing,
but their heart isn't in it.
They act like they're worshiping me,
but they don't mean it.
They just use me as a cover
for teaching whatever suits their fancy."

10-11He then called the crowd together and said, "Listen, and take this to heart. It's not what you swallow that pollutes your life, but what you vomit up."

12Later his disciples came and told him, "Did you know how upset the Pharisees were when they heard what you said?"

13-14Jesus shrugged it off. "Every tree that wasn't planted by my Father in heaven will be pulled up by its roots. Forget them. They are blind men leading blind men. When a blind man leads a blind man, they both end up in the ditch."

As thoughts of this go through my mind another issue of prayer brings itself to my attention. When you're eating with a group, some of whom may not pray, do you still pray before your meal? If so, how do you do it? Is it just a silent prayer that no one will notice? Do you ask, "do you mind if I pray?" and then pray openly? Shawn and I have been in that last group before, saying, "We're going to pray, if that's alright," or something along those lines. However, now that I'm really thinking about this, is that how it should be? Is that what Jesus would do? I think it would be much more likely that Jesus would think, "I'm going to pray and I don't care what you have to say about it."

Shouldn't we be that bold with our prayers?

I remember going through school (excluding middle school, when I went to a Christian school and we prayed together before lunch) and at lunch praying silently to myself, most of the time not even closing my eyes or doing anything else that would give away the fact that I was praying. While this exact scenario will not carry over to my children, since I will be homeschooling them, I still want them to be able to pray with boldness in front of their friends, never feeling ashamed or a need to hide the fact that they believe in prayer. Now you may be thinking, "but prayer is not allowed in schools." You're right, and Jesus never broke the rules. Oh, wait...

Matthew 12:1-2 One Sabbath, Jesus was strolling with his disciples through a field of ripe grain. Hungry, the disciples were pulling off the heads of grain and munching on them. Some Pharisees reported them to Jesus: "Your disciples are breaking the Sabbath rules!"

3-5Jesus said, "Really? Didn't you ever read what David and his companions did when they were hungry, how they entered the sanctuary and ate fresh bread off the altar, bread that no one but priests were allowed to eat? And didn't you ever read in God's Law that priests carrying out their Temple duties break Sabbath rules all the time and it's not held against them?

6-8"There is far more at stake here than religion. If you had any idea what this Scripture meant—'I prefer a flexible heart to an inflexible ritual'—you wouldn't be nitpicking like this. The Son of Man is no lackey to the Sabbath; he's in charge."

9-10When Jesus left the field, he entered their meeting place. There was a man there with a crippled hand. They said to Jesus, "Is it legal to heal on the Sabbath?" They were baiting him.

11-14He replied, "Is there a person here who, finding one of your lambs fallen into a ravine, wouldn't, even though it was a Sabbath, pull it out? Surely kindness to people is as legal as kindness to animals!" Then he said to the man, "Hold out your hand." He held it out and it was healed. The Pharisees walked out furious, sputtering about how they were going to ruin Jesus.

The next time you go to make a prayer request or to pray with someone say to yourself: "Am I ashamed of my beliefs, or do I want to be bold like Jesus?"

It's all crazy!

The times when I've had the most to post on the various blogs I've had are times when nothing else required much mental energy. Right now school requires most of my mental energy and a lot of my time. Lately I feel like people I know who aren't in school don't understand this. Yes, you work, and yes, that's very important, but your work doesn't have homework and papers to write. Unless you own your own business or have a very stressful job, you can hopefully relax and let go once you're off for the day. School doesn't work like that. It's not a big deal, but I wish people were more understanding.

However, I'm very excited about going to see mewithoutYou tonight, hence the title.

In the church not of the church

I love God. I like church, at least half the things about it, that is. I like learning about God and understanding things in a different way. It can be helpful, uplifting, and make me face issues I need to deal with. I guess what I'm really saying is that I like the preaching and teaching part of church.

I don't like the politics of church. I don't like most of the fellowship (read: people getting together to gossip and be overly dramatic about everything while being highly critical of those outside their circle). I don't like the judgment and stereotyping: how the inside is high and mighty, their wrongs are okay (sure when they realize they're wrong they can ask and be forgiven, but so can anyone who is sincere) while everything outside is basically evil. Yes, the "outside" stereotypes the inside as well, but is the inside doing anything to break that trend and mold? From my perspective, ("on the fringes" maybe) the inside strengthens that negative stereotype in 85% of their interactions with the "outside."

This is only part of it, but I believe that too often the people of the church forget that they're in the world, there's other people out there and they matter to God just as much as you do. They matter even more, remember the parable of the lost sheep?

Luke 15:4 What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he find it?5And when he hath found it, he layeth it on his shoulders, rejoicing. 6And when he cometh home, he calleth together his friends and neighbours, saying unto them, Rejoice with me; for I have found my sheep which was lost.7 I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.

But instead of creating community with others, people of the church create an insiders clique.
Jesus made friends with sinners, people who were not part of the church circle.

Mark 2:13And he went forth again by the sea side; and all the multitude resorted unto him, and he taught them. 14And as he passed by, he saw Levi the son of Alphaeus sitting at the receipt of custom, and said unto him, Follow me. And he arose and followed him. 15And it came to pass, that, as Jesus sat at meat in his house, many publicans and sinners sat also together with Jesus and his disciples: for there were many, and they followed him.

For me, while I'm "in the church," I'm also in the world, which isn't all bad, after all it's the world that God created for me to be in for a time and I have a purpose here. I am not of the world, but I'm also not of the church, I'm trying my best to be of God.

For now, I think watching church on TV may be my best choice.

Matchmaker, matchmaker

What would you do if you saw someone you knew on match.com? An ex? Someone you went to school with?

One night Amy and I were browsing match for just these types and find them. Amy finds an ex and I find this guy I went to school with.
During my first stint at GCCC there was a guy in my radio classes, JP we'll call him, 'cause that's his name. JP liked attention I guess, he talked with a fake Australian accent, we all knew it was face, yet he still went on insisting it was real. Occasionally, when he would slip up and not accentuate words enough, or at all, and someone would call him on it, he would just say he'd been in the states so long that the accent comes and goes. Then we would talk about him behind his back, good times. Don't get me wrong though, other than this weird reach for attention, he could be a really nice guy when you spoke with him one-on-one.

Maybe a couple weeks later after finding him on match.com, Amy and I are on a quest for pizza and stop at Gumby's, which seemed to be the only pizza place open after 10 on a Friday night, weird. We go in and I immediately recognized the guy behind the counter and he clearly recognizes me because he begins to speak in a well out-of-practice fake Australian accent. Gumby's just has a tiny lobby—it's not a dine-in restaurant, so we're cornered. I don't let on that I know him and don't have an opportunity to say to Amy, "this is that guy." So he slips up on a word and Amy calls him out, he shrugs it off. I'm having such a hard time trying not to laugh. When I get the chance, I text Amy and it's good I did because she thought he looked familiar and almost asked him how she knew him.

So we leave and we're both cracking up as we walk back to the car. Of course, we're talking about him and there he is standing behind the building talking to a coworker. I don't think he heard us and the laughter resumed with added hilarity once we were safely in the car.

The Pros

Much bigger room with a full size bed.
Only one roommate.
My own bathroom with a tub, not just a tiny shower stall. I've never had a bathroom all to myself.
Ceiling fans.
We haven't used the A/C or heat at all since I've been here.
Windows that open.
I'm on the top floor, which is also the second floor.
No elevators, I hate elevators.
My own secure wireless network (no special login for the internet so FON works).
Having more friends close by. Amy is less than 10 minutes away, that's closer than when we both lived in Panama City.
Quiet.
A lot of walking - campus is huge, I need the exercise.
Parking is a beast - this is a pro because it's my only complaint and if that's so than I'm doing pretty good. Plus I think it's getting better or maybe I was getting there too early.
I like being an English Lit major.
I had to choose a minor and had a hard time choosing but went with history. I'm currently taking 20th Century Russia and finding it very interesting.
Beautiful.
Winter exists!

Side-effects

After starting the process of going down on my medication (Prednisone) I've started to experience the side-effects over the past few weeks. I guess it's more of how long I've been on it than how much I'm taking. Least fun: moodiness (more than usual that is). Though it may sound vain the side-effect that bothers me the most is the puffy "chipmunk" cheeks Prednisone is known for. Other people might not even notice it, but I do and it makes me really self-conscious and definitely doesn't help with the depression. It fluctuates too it seems, one day my checks can be really puffy and the next it's not that bad. I'm also having a hard time focusing and getting my work done among other things.

In other news:
Today's my birthday, I don't like birthdays. If you like me you won't tell me happy birthday. No one here knows it's my birthday, I'm glad. I made myself brownies. Jeremy is supposed to take me out tomorrow, maybe that will cheer me up.
Most unstructured paragraph ever.

I hate it here. Not the city, not the school so much (though it is quite unorganized), I hate living in the dorms. I having a hard time finding a job though, so getting my own apartment isn't an option. I'm vaguely considering transferring next semester, where to though? UCF? I definitely won't be staying in the dorms, I can't take it.

More Phone Etiquette: Identity

Say you have a phone number for someone but you haven't called them in a while, or ever, so you're not 100% sure that it is the correct number for them. You decide to send a text message to the number, "Hi! Is this Jane?" Maybe it is Jane, maybe it's not, either way if Jane doesn't have your number how is she going to feel about responding to this anonymous person questioning her identity? Not comfortable with it, that's how. By all means, say your own name in the message! It's common courtesy. To not give your own name is like calling someone on the phone and your first words after their hello being, "who is this?" You called me! Tell me who you are first, then I might answer your question.

PcityLIVE

Yesterday I made a trip downtown to meet with Dustin Bryson and talk about writing for PCityLIVE. PCityLIVE is a site that just launched this week, it combines a social network with an online magazine. I would compare it to Virb° before I would compare it to myspace, but still with more magazine to it.

I think it's going to be really awesome. Dustin told me about his ideas for the site and some things they're doing. He talked about how we can see someone all the time and think they're a pretty cool person and that we'd like to build a friendship with them but we don't take the step to approach them and get to know them better. PCitylive hopes to help build relationships in our community, let us get to know people with the help of the internet.

While Panama City is still a fairly small city, I think most residents would agree with me in saying we don't have the sense of community that many larger cities do have. PCitylive should at least be a step in the right direction, a step that will foster that community feel and experience.

Things and Stuff

I've been stressing out a lot lately, as in more than usual. I'm just really worried about going off to school, getting an apartment, furniture, a job, that sort of stuff. I've lived away from home before, but there was always someone else who was responsible for the basic necessities, now I'll be responsible for those things myself. Not to say I'll be completely on my own though, I will have a roommate, which is some relief, and in the "pro" list of going to USF over UF.

My mom doesn't want me to take my bedroom furniture, which at first I was upset about (even though I didn't say anything), I mean it's my furniture. Now that I think about it though, it's best to leave my nice furniture here and not have to take the risk of it getting messed up. It's the furniture that I want to have when I make a more permanent move, so I'll get some other furniture to go with me over the next 2 years.

The 2 years is another thing that gets to me. 2 more years of school, I just feel old, and I feel like most people that for a 4 year degree are done by my age. It's just another one of those things where 10 years ago I thought I would be at a completely different stage of life now. I think back just 3 years ago and remember telling a co-worker how I really just wanted to be a housewife and a mom. I still wouldn't turn that life down, but I would do it with some freelance writing work on the side; I couldn't give up writing.

Just Returning Your Call

If you call someone and leave a message how long do you usually wait for them to call you back? There are probably many variables that would go into this, such as who the person is to you (friend, acquaintance, family, co-worker), and what you're calling about. So say you call someone you've never called before, but have hung out with once or twice and what you're calling about isn't really a pressing matter (maybe you're asking them out). Here's some advice, when they haven't called back after 2 days, it's okay to call again. It's not okay to call again after 2 days and then every day after that.
Maybe they have a good reason for not calling back, like the text they sent you that said they were sick (maybe you don't have texting?). I don't even think it should matter their reason, it gets to the point where calling repeatedly is just creepy and weird. Sure, maybe you're excited and eager about having a new friend, but chill, too much is just too much. If you hadn't called so many times they would have called you back by now. I'm They're not even checking my their voice mail any more.

Do?

I want to go mountain biking or hiking or something. I wish I knew people who actually liked to do things. People are so lazy.

Attn: Stalker

FYI, every time you google my name and then visit my site it shows up in my stats. Quit being creepy and introduce yourself.

Summer Plans

I've been thinking about what I'm going to do this summer. I know I need to find a summer job so I can save some money that will be much needed once I'm off at a university in the fall. I've also thought about taking a couple summer classes, creative writing or something possibly. When I really think about what I want to do though I know I would love to just travel throughout the summer.

I would absolutely love to go somewhere overseas, Italy or Paris, or anywhere else I haven't been, but those are my top 2. Unfortunately I don't know anyone else who would go and I don't want to go alone to a country I've never been in.

It would be nice to see some places in the states I've never been to before, so I could settle for that. Right now I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Anyone care to share their summer plans or dreams? I know you're out there, I can hear you breathing.