Community

This post is not about the TV show of the same name, though I do enjoy it.
I'll be honest, I don't feel like blogging right now but it's been a week so I know I need to. For me, blogging is one of those things where if I wait any longer, I'm just going to wait even longer.

This post is going to seem silly to some people and to them I say feel free to leave and never read this blog again. Like you need my permission.

My heart has been heavy lately; I can't count the number of days in the past several months that I have cried over bowls of ice cream (okay, sometimes it's just straight out of the carton) because of how alone I feel. It's not because I stay home with Will 4 to 5 days a week. I've stayed home (or in a dorm room) alone for 7 days a week and not felt this overwhelming sadness. Does it have something to do with all of these postpartum hormones? I don't know.
How long are you postpartum anyway? I mean I know the hormone thing is still going on but are they postpartum hormones still? Nursing hormones? I don't know, but I really doubt that's it, at least not all of it.

Most of the time I feel like I have no friends other than husband, husband is my best friend, but I feel like I need more than that. Husband says that I do have friends, I just don't have that "best friend" like others everyone else has. I look at the people I would call friends and we are so different, not that it's bad to be different than your friends, I don't think I would want friends who were exactly like me. By different I mean I see some things that they do and think "I would never do that." It's not even that I think what they are doing is morally wrong, no, that's not what I mean at. all. It just doesn't fit with my values or my way of thinking. Does this mean I can't be friends with these people? Absolutely not, but I would like to have at least one friend who thinks along similar lines as I. But I don't think I even need to be that specific in my search for friends.

I feel what I'm really craving is a sense of community. A community of like-minded people. I don't even know what I have in common with most of the "friends" I have. When I think about it, what do they know about me? Have they even asked? I read a book about the Amish and Mennonites recently, 20 Most Asked Questions About the Amish & Mennonites, and a line from it really summed up some of my feelings. The question was about women not working out of the home or something like that and this was part of the answer: "When a woman's ambitions fit her society's framework and her peers' experiences parallel her own, she is less likely to be restless and dissatisfied." This is what I want. Maybe I need to convert. There is a Mennonite church in town...

Really though, how do I get this? I've literally spent hours searching for mom and baby groups/activities in Tallahassee, with very, very little luck. Most of the things I found are now defunct. One group has playgroups for babies, but they are at members' homes; I'm not comfortable going to someone's home when I've never met anyone who will be there. Panama City actually has more mommy groups than Tallahassee.
Shawn and I were in a couple of small groups from our church over the last year or so, which we really enjoyed, but it seemed like everyone else lost interest. We tried to organize an event ourselves and only one other couple was going to come. Either everyone else already has plenty of friends and plenty of things to do or they are content with not having either. Or they just really don't like me, which is the conclusion I typically default to when I'm feeling this way.