Things you deal with during pregnancy and their purposes, according to me

I've been thinking about all of the different emotional and physical things that women (and their husbands) deal with during pregnancy and the possible purpose that they serve. Here's a list:

• Crying over small things, or crying with no apparent reason at all: This is to prepare your husband for random crying from the baby at any time.


• Insomnia/waking in the middle of the night: This one is pretty self-explanatory, it prepares you for getting less sleep and/or waking up to take care of the baby. Lately I've been waking up in the middle of the night and being wide-awake, I guess I'm getting ready for those middle of the night feedings.


• Peeing every time you sneeze: This gets you ready for many embarrassing pee moments from the baby.


• Waddling because you weigh a zillion pounds and you're all achey: This is getting you ready for being exhausting and still having to carry your baby and all of their stuff.


• Husbands who just don't get it. By this I mean they keep asking why you're crying or why you're acting a certain way even though your answer is always, "I don't know, I'm pregnant," every time: This is to try your patience just as babies/kids will.


• Leg cramps: Leg cramps get your husband ready for your screaming during labor and also for being woken up in the middle of the night by screaming and crying (this has happened more than once).


• Puffy face: Um, shows you what your baby will look like? Okay, I'm still trying to figure out the purpose of this one, but my extra wide nose does look like Will's in the ultrasounds.


• Constipation (I saved the best for last, you see!): To put it simply, constipation is to get you excited about poop.